My Teddy...

I couldn’t sleep last night and surprisingly I woke up early this morning. I’m still laying down in bed and too lazy to go make myself a big cup of coffee, I like this feeling, being lazy and just sitting in bed under my covers with my favorite teddy bear, I know it’s funny and I know I am too old for this, but I still have my favorite teddy with me, my twin sister got me this teddy bear when we were still 10 years old and ever since then it has been my best friend, it’s big and stuffed and I love it, sometimes when I am so upset and I don’t know who to talk to, I just go to my teddy and talk to him, so if this teddy bear ever speaks up I am in big trouble cause he knows things about me that even me don’t know. Every time I look at my teddy I remember so many things and he actually reminds me to call my sister sometimes, right now he is by my side while typing this post , looking at him makes me feel as if he knows that I am writing about him. I don’t know why this teddy bear has a very special place in my heart, he goes with me everywhere, my dad always tells me that he is lucky he gets to travel and see the world. I feel that I cannot go without my teddy. Even when I was living with my ex he came with me, I remember when I use to have big arguments with my ex my teddy use to always be there after that to listen to my wining and cursing about the second that I met my ex. My teddy is big and he is white like the snow, ever winter I get him a small red scarf that I put around his neck to keep him warm during the cold long winter nights. My friends thinks that I am crazy and just like babies but I don’t care, I love my teddy and I think that even if I am 100 years old my teddy will always be with me, I will do my best not to lose him no matter what cause if this ever happens I will be very sad, I think that it will feel like loosing a real person, he's my pet and my baby and most importantly my best friend that always listens to me when I need to talk without any interruption..

A date with nature….

4 years now since mama took her last breath, I always think that the coming years are going to be better and that I will be able to handle the pain of her loss, but every year I feel the same, angry and upset and I always ask myself or god I should say “ why my mom???, she was young and energetic and very healthy” .... I love and hate October, I love it cause my mom and I use to go for walks and enjoy the beauty of nature at this time of the year and I hate it cause now I have to do it alone, this weekend I will be going to our favorite spot for a long walk, I know that her spirit will be there too, it’s my date with nature and with mom. I know that what I am saying is crazy but I do it every year and every year I feel that she is walking with me and I also can hear her voice, oooo boy I have a lot to tell her, and to be honest I am looking forward to this walk, it is also a good excuse for me to do my favorite exercise and enjoy music, when I walk I love to listen to music, cause it takes me to places that is far away from this world, and cause I feel that I am flying up the skies and reaching out to mom, so this Sunday is going to be only me and nature and music and hopefully mom would be watching over from a distance.
After my date with nature I will go to a very close friend of mine for thanksgiving, and because I don’t cook I volunteered to get the dessert, I don’t know what to get, but I feel like getting something unusual something that will shock them, I wish I could cook I would’ve done something that only me can do and so unusual but that is impossible, well!! I have all day to think about it and I hope that I will be able to figure something out I know it is no big deal but I like to surprise the people that I love, what is amazing about tomorrow’s dinner is that we will have it at their huge back yard and as far as the weather is concerned it is suppose to be great this weekend, I will keep my fingers crossed for that….