Missing mama

For some reason i cannot sleep tonight, I hate when this happens, it makes me think about so many things that i don't want to think about, like how fast my mom passed away, it's been 3 years now, but sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday, I was having dinner with some of my friends tonight and some how we were talking about my mom, how great she was, and about the way she cooked, she use to be a great cook and most importantly she use to be my best friend, we use to talk for hours non-stop about anything and everything, some how today i felt that i needed that and deep inside my heart it hurts like hell, sometimes i wonder, why do we have to die? if god loves us ! why does he take away the people that we love and make us suffer? Missing my mom is something i got use too but sometimes it hurts so much that i feel like screaming thinking that this might help, but of-course i cannot do that, cause if i did people will think that I'm crazy, even though i do some crazy stuff sometimes. I would like to believe it when they say that when people die they actually watch us from a distance and they know when we are happy or sad, but if they are watching over us why can't we see them? and talk to them? I know this could be funny for some people but sometimes i feel that mom is sitting with me just like we use to, I really feel her presence, this could be an illusion to help me feel better but my excuse is that this is the only way I know that she was once upon a time.