My Teddy...

I couldn’t sleep last night and surprisingly I woke up early this morning. I’m still laying down in bed and too lazy to go make myself a big cup of coffee, I like this feeling, being lazy and just sitting in bed under my covers with my favorite teddy bear, I know it’s funny and I know I am too old for this, but I still have my favorite teddy with me, my twin sister got me this teddy bear when we were still 10 years old and ever since then it has been my best friend, it’s big and stuffed and I love it, sometimes when I am so upset and I don’t know who to talk to, I just go to my teddy and talk to him, so if this teddy bear ever speaks up I am in big trouble cause he knows things about me that even me don’t know. Every time I look at my teddy I remember so many things and he actually reminds me to call my sister sometimes, right now he is by my side while typing this post , looking at him makes me feel as if he knows that I am writing about him. I don’t know why this teddy bear has a very special place in my heart, he goes with me everywhere, my dad always tells me that he is lucky he gets to travel and see the world. I feel that I cannot go without my teddy. Even when I was living with my ex he came with me, I remember when I use to have big arguments with my ex my teddy use to always be there after that to listen to my wining and cursing about the second that I met my ex. My teddy is big and he is white like the snow, ever winter I get him a small red scarf that I put around his neck to keep him warm during the cold long winter nights. My friends thinks that I am crazy and just like babies but I don’t care, I love my teddy and I think that even if I am 100 years old my teddy will always be with me, I will do my best not to lose him no matter what cause if this ever happens I will be very sad, I think that it will feel like loosing a real person, he's my pet and my baby and most importantly my best friend that always listens to me when I need to talk without any interruption..

A date with nature….

4 years now since mama took her last breath, I always think that the coming years are going to be better and that I will be able to handle the pain of her loss, but every year I feel the same, angry and upset and I always ask myself or god I should say “ why my mom???, she was young and energetic and very healthy” .... I love and hate October, I love it cause my mom and I use to go for walks and enjoy the beauty of nature at this time of the year and I hate it cause now I have to do it alone, this weekend I will be going to our favorite spot for a long walk, I know that her spirit will be there too, it’s my date with nature and with mom. I know that what I am saying is crazy but I do it every year and every year I feel that she is walking with me and I also can hear her voice, oooo boy I have a lot to tell her, and to be honest I am looking forward to this walk, it is also a good excuse for me to do my favorite exercise and enjoy music, when I walk I love to listen to music, cause it takes me to places that is far away from this world, and cause I feel that I am flying up the skies and reaching out to mom, so this Sunday is going to be only me and nature and music and hopefully mom would be watching over from a distance.
After my date with nature I will go to a very close friend of mine for thanksgiving, and because I don’t cook I volunteered to get the dessert, I don’t know what to get, but I feel like getting something unusual something that will shock them, I wish I could cook I would’ve done something that only me can do and so unusual but that is impossible, well!! I have all day to think about it and I hope that I will be able to figure something out I know it is no big deal but I like to surprise the people that I love, what is amazing about tomorrow’s dinner is that we will have it at their huge back yard and as far as the weather is concerned it is suppose to be great this weekend, I will keep my fingers crossed for that….

Driving.....

It is raining out and I am sitting in my bedroom listening to my favorite tunes, and thinking to myself, why is it impossible to get everything we want, I want something but I know it is not going to happen ever, and the more I think about it the more I think that I need it, I know that whatever I am saying now makes no sense but I cannot just say what I really want to say "what’s the use since it will never happen anyways", it’s just a thought and I felt like letting it out…
Yesterday, was a lot of fun, in the morning I met some friends that I use to work with at my previous job, it was really nice seeing them again, they told me everything about the office gossip it was nice listening to them and wow so many things have changed over there, we talked for 3 hours none stop about everything and anything while enjoying our Starbucks coffee and decided that sometime within the next week to meet for dinner. After meeting with my friends I went to the spa, it was so relaxing I really had fun and by the end of the day I was supper relaxed and ready for the evening that was ahead of me.
My friend and I are both upset with the our special someones and we wanted to take a break from them so we decided to go crazy for the night, we went down town, wearing high heels and looking good, we went to a restaurant called mama grazzi, they had really good food, what was funny about last night and while we were having our drinks, a very cute guy approached us and asked if we were interested to have a drink with him and his friend, my immediate reaction was no, I don’t know why I said no, I kinda regretted it later, cause the guy was very good looking, ooo well! What can I do, I cannot change anything now and of course my friend hates me for it but I know that we will be able to move on "looool". I should say that the food was so yummy we enjoyed every bite. After dinner we wanted to walk in the market but we couldn’t cause it rained on us, so we decided to take a long ride, we took the 417 and just drove for 2 hours it was amazing, I don’t know why, sometimes I just love to drive to no-where, just spontaneously, the thought of not having a specific destination that we want to get to is amazing, it’s just you and the car and the roads, I usually take these rides whenever I am upset or supper happy, I don’t know why I like to do it, to some people this could be crazy but I love it and I think that I will always do it, anyhow, by the time we were back home it was after mid night I felt that the night was still young, so I kinda took a small walk in the rain and in the dark, it was nice but cause I was wearing my high heels I couldn’t walk for long. I wish I could do that every day, but I know it is impossible. I think that life has a way of telling us that we are only aloud to be crazy for one night at a time only, I think that this  is what makes life interesting and makes us want to live in this hectic life of ours........

A phone call…..

A friend of mine called me from Paris this evening, it was really nice talking to her, it’s been a long time since we spoke, and every time we talk it brings back a lot of memories, it took me back maybe 15 years, wow how fast time flies, it’s scary.... We talked about the past and how much fun it use to be and how free of responsibilities we were, all we cared about is how we looked and what to wear before going to school the next day… how we change as time passes by is so amazing we think that we are not changing but when we look back and see how different we were, we realize that yes we did change and yes everything about anything in our lives is different now. She told me that she is heartbroken and that she misses her boyfriend a lot it is unfortunate that she cannot be with him now, I feel for her and I wanted to ease her pain as much as I can but I couldn’t, she said that love hurts and that’s true in certain ways but I think that, that’s not true as well, cause I think that loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, loosing someone hurts. Everyone confuses things with love but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes you feel wonderful again….. I said to her that soon they will be both together and whatever caused their separation now it will soon be over and they will be back together, I actually promised her that this would happen, I know her boyfriend, he is a close friend of mine, I actually introduced them, and I know just how much he loves her. I just hope that he will return soon.
The good news is that she told me that she will be visiting me soon, well! Not that soon, she said that she will come in December to spend the holidays with us, she is like family, I told my dad and he was very happy that she is coming. Sometimes friends are connected to us more than anyone in this world and I am glad that she was and is and will always be part of my life.

Cards...

Since a very close friend of mine is leaving next week I decided to get her a card. I  think that a card is a signature of your appreciation towards a person that you respect and admire. I always like to show my friends how much I care for them by choosing a card that best describes how I feel and how I want them to feel about whatever the case may be, I always think that showing people what they mean to me is always nice and affective. it will prove to them just how much I care. Anyways, as I was browsing for the perfect card this afternoon I thought to myself “ amazing! for every occasion there is a card” So I guess there should be no excuse for us to ignore the people that we love, I think the least we can do is buy a card especially if that person is far away from home, I don’t know why I like buying cards, maybe because I could really express how I feel toward anyone by just giving a card to a certain person. When I was young, I use to create cards and give them out to my friends for their birthdays or for just thanking them cause they did something that I was grateful for, I think it is the best way to thank someone. The best card that I did was the one I did for my mom when I was just 11 years old, I remember that day as if it was yesterday, it was mother’s day and my mom was away cause she was sick, I wanted to give her something that she can keep forever, so I made her a card and here is what I said to her “ mammy I love you and I want your pain to go away, I know that god will be with you cause you are the best mom and all of us here are missing you and wishing you a happy mother’s day, mammy you are the best mama in this whole entire world” . I actually forgot about this card until a month before mama passed away she gave it to me and she told me that she kept it with her all the time and that she wants me to keep it with me cause she thought that it will somehow bring me luck, I still have it, and every time I look at it, it brings tears to my eyes cause it reminds me of so many things and most importantly it reminds me of how much I love and miss mama.

Attitude....

last night as I was driving back home I thought about the conversation that I had with my friend which was about attitude and how people react about certain things that we face in life I came to realize that the longer I live, the more I see the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. We are in charge of our Attitudes, I could be wrong but this to me makes total sense.

Anyways, I am sitting in my backyard now it is nice and sunny outside a little cloudy, I am thinking to go for a long walk but I am a little lazy maybe because I just got up or maybe cause today is my lazy day where I like to take my time in doing anything, I don’t know why Sundays has always been my lazy days, maybe if I get myself a big cup of coffee it will give me some energy to start my day and to go for my walk, I have to do it, because before we know it the cold weather will come again and then we will not be able to do anything… I can smell the grass and the trees I love this smell, it always reminds me of my childhood, back when I was still in Nigeria and after each rain fall I use to go out stand in our huge garden and smell the beauty of nature, what I love about Canada is that when it rains in the summer it always brings me back to my childhood, cause in Nigeria it use to always rain in the summer and it is where my childhood was I only wish that I could go back in time and enjoy it one more time just for one day and come back, if only…….

News and The ugly truth and Nonesense

A very close friend of mine told me today that she will be leaving soon, to peruse her career oversees, she said that she will be leaving in 10 days, I was shocked when I heard the news, I felt like something is been ripped away from me, but as I always say this is life and life has to go on, I just hope that she will come and visit us often, I will of course be visiting her too and that’s for sure..

Anyways few days ago I went with some of my friends to the movies and we saw The Ugly Truth , it is a very funny movie, yea it is romantic comedy but I think that guys will enjoy it as much as the ladies cause it is based on our differences ( I mean men and women) and what we think of men and how we want men to treat us and vice versa, it is a nice way of putting a smile in our faces and I think it is a great escape from reality, but is it really true that all men see in women is the outside and never the inside, is it really true that they don’t care how we think and what we want??? And us women are so romantic and we think that they actually listen to us when we talk to them? But as it is in the movie the truth is ugly, and we have to accept it no matter what, regardless how true the movie is, I thought it was very funny and I think that Gerard Butler is very cute and that to me is the ideal man, but if only he is real… I also think that Katherine Heigl is very cute and funny; I think that they both made cute couple in the movie (this is what I call real chemistry) . I recommend it to anyone and take my word, you will enjoy every second of it.

Tonight is one of those nights that I am thinking of so many things and cannot put myself at ease I have no idea why? It could be cause my friend is leaving soon, or maybe cause I think that my life needs a serious change? So many things is possible, but for now I feel a little relaxed and I think that whatever I am writing now makes no sense what so ever, but still I am typing and while I am typing I am thinking what will my next sentence be, or how will I end this stupid post, maybe by just stop typing, if my mom was still here and I was talking to her nonsense she would say to me “ Imane have faith and relax and do what you do best "read" this will help you forget and help put your mind at ease for a while” what is funny about this is that I can hear her say that to me, ooo how much I wish that she was here with us. Anyways, I think that I should go get a book and read, maybe this will help me forget or at least help my eyes and me go to sleep.