Bye bye 2009....

This year has been very challenging for so many people, I think that a lot of people are happy that it is finally over, I don’t want to talk about how bad this year has been, I just want to say it’s over and anything bad that happened is gone and it will never happen again, so all we have to do is celebrate the new coming year and hope that 2010 will be good for all of us cause I think that we have had enough challenges and disappointments and we are now ready for a new year and new beginnings.

Anyways, may this coming year be full of joy and happiness for every person that lives in this planet.




Here is a new year scene that I just love from one of the best romantic movies ever, so enjoy and again happy new year everyone!!!




Bye-bye 2009 and Welcome 2010....

Modern Technology...

Amazing how technology has progressed, this morning when I woke up and logged into my laptop, my niece which lives far away from here skypied me cause she wanted to tell me some news that she wanted to share with me, she said what she needed to say and then we had a video call, I was able to see my sister and her kids and her husband as I was having my morning coffee it felt like we were in the same room, we were talking and laughing and my little favorite niece which is only 4 years old was talking to me too, listening to her soft voice made me giggle, I just wanted to grab her and give her a huge kiss and a hug, that this is the only thing that I wasn't able to do. You see she is at this age where she is curious to know about everything that is around her, so she was asking me all sorts of questions, some I was able to answer and some I had to ask my sister for assistance on how to answer her. Anyways, it was nice and warm. I think that even though there is an ocean that is separating us, I seriously felt that I was there with them enjoying my morning, I think that this is the best Sunday morning gift, my sister and I decided to make it our ritual from now on, so every Sunday I have a date with my far away family....

My Obsession with coffee!!

Well! I am not really obsessed with coffee, I just like to have a good cup of coffee especially in the mornings. I love to wake up in the morning to the aroma of a freshly perked coffee. Who ever invented the coffee maker with the automatic setting was a genius, no waiting for the first cup anymore. The gurgling sounds give me a warm and live feeling. I float from my bed to the kitchen and pour the heavenly liquid into my own personal mug. I just add a touch of 2%milk and a little bit of sugar. Such a comforting way to greet the day. I sit on my backyard as the sun comes up, a different beautiful scene every day accompained by the sounds of the rising crescendo of birds. All my senses comes alive for the day, during those moments of solitude. I think that this is the perfect way to start a busy day especially in a Monday morning... and that to me is not an obsession it's a relationship between myself and my morning cup of coffee that I will never give it up no matter what... people tell me that I am obsessed but I tell them that I am in love and that's a hug difference....

Growing old!

What is it with me and music these days all I do is listen to music and do nothing, I feel like I am wasting a lot of time doing nothing, as I was driving today back home after meeting a friend of mine for coffee, I decided that I didn’t want to go home. I felt like being alone for once, so I drove all the way to Gatineau. I don’t know why I did it, all I knew is that I needed to go somewhere so I let my car lead the way for me. So when I found myself in Gatineau  I decided to visit a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a while, so I called him up and told him that I was in the neighborhood, he was happy to hear from me, ten mins later I was at his place we talked and talked, he actually cooked me dinner, I never knew that he can cook he also told me that he is taking cooking classes at Algonquin, I have known this friend for almost 10 years and I never knew that he is such a good cook. He cooked us a yummy Brazilian meal it was so good and I was so hungry I enjoyed it to the last bite. Anyways, as we were having dinner, we talked about our college life together and about all our adventures, he also told me so many things about so many people that we both knew, wow as I was listening to him talking I was thinking to myself it’s been years now since we left college and if I look at myself back then and see me now, I wouldn’t want to go back to where I was, people get scared of getting old, quite honestly I don’t care, I think growing old is beautiful. when we are young we are always looking forward to something that we need but as we age we learn that even though we did not get what we wanted it’s ok cause we will always have tomorrow. An older person to me is like history and their face is a drawing of the past and present and the future, I have never had a grand mother or father, they all passed away before I was even born, so I did not have the pleasure of having them in my life. A colleague of mine from work showed me a picture of her grandparents and their house, it’s an old picture but it is full of history, it was taken back in 1920 and it so beautiful. Ok! back to my friend and dinner, I think that he said something to me, and I had to agree cause I wasn’t listening to what he was saying I just hope that I did not agree on something that I don’t really agree on, I was too shy to ask him about it cause I didn’t want him to feel that I wasn’t listening. After dinner we had coffee and dessert and then I left. As I was driving back home I was listening to my favorite music, and of course the roads were empty so my drive was nice and fast and after what I thought about this evening I came to very a important conclusion, growing old is great and it is the only way to wisdom and finding the peace that lies within us.

My Teddy...

I couldn’t sleep last night and surprisingly I woke up early this morning. I’m still laying down in bed and too lazy to go make myself a big cup of coffee, I like this feeling, being lazy and just sitting in bed under my covers with my favorite teddy bear, I know it’s funny and I know I am too old for this, but I still have my favorite teddy with me, my twin sister got me this teddy bear when we were still 10 years old and ever since then it has been my best friend, it’s big and stuffed and I love it, sometimes when I am so upset and I don’t know who to talk to, I just go to my teddy and talk to him, so if this teddy bear ever speaks up I am in big trouble cause he knows things about me that even me don’t know. Every time I look at my teddy I remember so many things and he actually reminds me to call my sister sometimes, right now he is by my side while typing this post , looking at him makes me feel as if he knows that I am writing about him. I don’t know why this teddy bear has a very special place in my heart, he goes with me everywhere, my dad always tells me that he is lucky he gets to travel and see the world. I feel that I cannot go without my teddy. Even when I was living with my ex he came with me, I remember when I use to have big arguments with my ex my teddy use to always be there after that to listen to my wining and cursing about the second that I met my ex. My teddy is big and he is white like the snow, ever winter I get him a small red scarf that I put around his neck to keep him warm during the cold long winter nights. My friends thinks that I am crazy and just like babies but I don’t care, I love my teddy and I think that even if I am 100 years old my teddy will always be with me, I will do my best not to lose him no matter what cause if this ever happens I will be very sad, I think that it will feel like loosing a real person, he's my pet and my baby and most importantly my best friend that always listens to me when I need to talk without any interruption..

A date with nature….

4 years now since mama took her last breath, I always think that the coming years are going to be better and that I will be able to handle the pain of her loss, but every year I feel the same, angry and upset and I always ask myself or god I should say “ why my mom???, she was young and energetic and very healthy” .... I love and hate October, I love it cause my mom and I use to go for walks and enjoy the beauty of nature at this time of the year and I hate it cause now I have to do it alone, this weekend I will be going to our favorite spot for a long walk, I know that her spirit will be there too, it’s my date with nature and with mom. I know that what I am saying is crazy but I do it every year and every year I feel that she is walking with me and I also can hear her voice, oooo boy I have a lot to tell her, and to be honest I am looking forward to this walk, it is also a good excuse for me to do my favorite exercise and enjoy music, when I walk I love to listen to music, cause it takes me to places that is far away from this world, and cause I feel that I am flying up the skies and reaching out to mom, so this Sunday is going to be only me and nature and music and hopefully mom would be watching over from a distance.
After my date with nature I will go to a very close friend of mine for thanksgiving, and because I don’t cook I volunteered to get the dessert, I don’t know what to get, but I feel like getting something unusual something that will shock them, I wish I could cook I would’ve done something that only me can do and so unusual but that is impossible, well!! I have all day to think about it and I hope that I will be able to figure something out I know it is no big deal but I like to surprise the people that I love, what is amazing about tomorrow’s dinner is that we will have it at their huge back yard and as far as the weather is concerned it is suppose to be great this weekend, I will keep my fingers crossed for that….

Driving.....

It is raining out and I am sitting in my bedroom listening to my favorite tunes, and thinking to myself, why is it impossible to get everything we want, I want something but I know it is not going to happen ever, and the more I think about it the more I think that I need it, I know that whatever I am saying now makes no sense but I cannot just say what I really want to say "what’s the use since it will never happen anyways", it’s just a thought and I felt like letting it out…
Yesterday, was a lot of fun, in the morning I met some friends that I use to work with at my previous job, it was really nice seeing them again, they told me everything about the office gossip it was nice listening to them and wow so many things have changed over there, we talked for 3 hours none stop about everything and anything while enjoying our Starbucks coffee and decided that sometime within the next week to meet for dinner. After meeting with my friends I went to the spa, it was so relaxing I really had fun and by the end of the day I was supper relaxed and ready for the evening that was ahead of me.
My friend and I are both upset with the our special someones and we wanted to take a break from them so we decided to go crazy for the night, we went down town, wearing high heels and looking good, we went to a restaurant called mama grazzi, they had really good food, what was funny about last night and while we were having our drinks, a very cute guy approached us and asked if we were interested to have a drink with him and his friend, my immediate reaction was no, I don’t know why I said no, I kinda regretted it later, cause the guy was very good looking, ooo well! What can I do, I cannot change anything now and of course my friend hates me for it but I know that we will be able to move on "looool". I should say that the food was so yummy we enjoyed every bite. After dinner we wanted to walk in the market but we couldn’t cause it rained on us, so we decided to take a long ride, we took the 417 and just drove for 2 hours it was amazing, I don’t know why, sometimes I just love to drive to no-where, just spontaneously, the thought of not having a specific destination that we want to get to is amazing, it’s just you and the car and the roads, I usually take these rides whenever I am upset or supper happy, I don’t know why I like to do it, to some people this could be crazy but I love it and I think that I will always do it, anyhow, by the time we were back home it was after mid night I felt that the night was still young, so I kinda took a small walk in the rain and in the dark, it was nice but cause I was wearing my high heels I couldn’t walk for long. I wish I could do that every day, but I know it is impossible. I think that life has a way of telling us that we are only aloud to be crazy for one night at a time only, I think that this  is what makes life interesting and makes us want to live in this hectic life of ours........

A phone call…..

A friend of mine called me from Paris this evening, it was really nice talking to her, it’s been a long time since we spoke, and every time we talk it brings back a lot of memories, it took me back maybe 15 years, wow how fast time flies, it’s scary.... We talked about the past and how much fun it use to be and how free of responsibilities we were, all we cared about is how we looked and what to wear before going to school the next day… how we change as time passes by is so amazing we think that we are not changing but when we look back and see how different we were, we realize that yes we did change and yes everything about anything in our lives is different now. She told me that she is heartbroken and that she misses her boyfriend a lot it is unfortunate that she cannot be with him now, I feel for her and I wanted to ease her pain as much as I can but I couldn’t, she said that love hurts and that’s true in certain ways but I think that, that’s not true as well, cause I think that loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, loosing someone hurts. Everyone confuses things with love but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes you feel wonderful again….. I said to her that soon they will be both together and whatever caused their separation now it will soon be over and they will be back together, I actually promised her that this would happen, I know her boyfriend, he is a close friend of mine, I actually introduced them, and I know just how much he loves her. I just hope that he will return soon.
The good news is that she told me that she will be visiting me soon, well! Not that soon, she said that she will come in December to spend the holidays with us, she is like family, I told my dad and he was very happy that she is coming. Sometimes friends are connected to us more than anyone in this world and I am glad that she was and is and will always be part of my life.

Cards...

Since a very close friend of mine is leaving next week I decided to get her a card. I  think that a card is a signature of your appreciation towards a person that you respect and admire. I always like to show my friends how much I care for them by choosing a card that best describes how I feel and how I want them to feel about whatever the case may be, I always think that showing people what they mean to me is always nice and affective. it will prove to them just how much I care. Anyways, as I was browsing for the perfect card this afternoon I thought to myself “ amazing! for every occasion there is a card” So I guess there should be no excuse for us to ignore the people that we love, I think the least we can do is buy a card especially if that person is far away from home, I don’t know why I like buying cards, maybe because I could really express how I feel toward anyone by just giving a card to a certain person. When I was young, I use to create cards and give them out to my friends for their birthdays or for just thanking them cause they did something that I was grateful for, I think it is the best way to thank someone. The best card that I did was the one I did for my mom when I was just 11 years old, I remember that day as if it was yesterday, it was mother’s day and my mom was away cause she was sick, I wanted to give her something that she can keep forever, so I made her a card and here is what I said to her “ mammy I love you and I want your pain to go away, I know that god will be with you cause you are the best mom and all of us here are missing you and wishing you a happy mother’s day, mammy you are the best mama in this whole entire world” . I actually forgot about this card until a month before mama passed away she gave it to me and she told me that she kept it with her all the time and that she wants me to keep it with me cause she thought that it will somehow bring me luck, I still have it, and every time I look at it, it brings tears to my eyes cause it reminds me of so many things and most importantly it reminds me of how much I love and miss mama.

Attitude....

last night as I was driving back home I thought about the conversation that I had with my friend which was about attitude and how people react about certain things that we face in life I came to realize that the longer I live, the more I see the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. We are in charge of our Attitudes, I could be wrong but this to me makes total sense.

Anyways, I am sitting in my backyard now it is nice and sunny outside a little cloudy, I am thinking to go for a long walk but I am a little lazy maybe because I just got up or maybe cause today is my lazy day where I like to take my time in doing anything, I don’t know why Sundays has always been my lazy days, maybe if I get myself a big cup of coffee it will give me some energy to start my day and to go for my walk, I have to do it, because before we know it the cold weather will come again and then we will not be able to do anything… I can smell the grass and the trees I love this smell, it always reminds me of my childhood, back when I was still in Nigeria and after each rain fall I use to go out stand in our huge garden and smell the beauty of nature, what I love about Canada is that when it rains in the summer it always brings me back to my childhood, cause in Nigeria it use to always rain in the summer and it is where my childhood was I only wish that I could go back in time and enjoy it one more time just for one day and come back, if only…….

News and The ugly truth and Nonesense

A very close friend of mine told me today that she will be leaving soon, to peruse her career oversees, she said that she will be leaving in 10 days, I was shocked when I heard the news, I felt like something is been ripped away from me, but as I always say this is life and life has to go on, I just hope that she will come and visit us often, I will of course be visiting her too and that’s for sure..

Anyways few days ago I went with some of my friends to the movies and we saw The Ugly Truth , it is a very funny movie, yea it is romantic comedy but I think that guys will enjoy it as much as the ladies cause it is based on our differences ( I mean men and women) and what we think of men and how we want men to treat us and vice versa, it is a nice way of putting a smile in our faces and I think it is a great escape from reality, but is it really true that all men see in women is the outside and never the inside, is it really true that they don’t care how we think and what we want??? And us women are so romantic and we think that they actually listen to us when we talk to them? But as it is in the movie the truth is ugly, and we have to accept it no matter what, regardless how true the movie is, I thought it was very funny and I think that Gerard Butler is very cute and that to me is the ideal man, but if only he is real… I also think that Katherine Heigl is very cute and funny; I think that they both made cute couple in the movie (this is what I call real chemistry) . I recommend it to anyone and take my word, you will enjoy every second of it.

Tonight is one of those nights that I am thinking of so many things and cannot put myself at ease I have no idea why? It could be cause my friend is leaving soon, or maybe cause I think that my life needs a serious change? So many things is possible, but for now I feel a little relaxed and I think that whatever I am writing now makes no sense what so ever, but still I am typing and while I am typing I am thinking what will my next sentence be, or how will I end this stupid post, maybe by just stop typing, if my mom was still here and I was talking to her nonsense she would say to me “ Imane have faith and relax and do what you do best "read" this will help you forget and help put your mind at ease for a while” what is funny about this is that I can hear her say that to me, ooo how much I wish that she was here with us. Anyways, I think that I should go get a book and read, maybe this will help me forget or at least help my eyes and me go to sleep.

Terrou-Bi, A French Restaurant...

Yesterday my sister and I and friends of ours went and had dinner at an amazing French restaurant called Terrou-Bi. This restaurant is one of the most beautiful restaurant that I have been too, it is surrounded by the ocean and full of palm trees, also there is a huge swimming pool that is somehow attached to the ocean, we ate outside and by the beach and all the beauty of the greens, what was amazing about last night and while we were having our drinks outside and enjoying the scenes that was in front of us, I looked up the skies and saw the moon it was beyond beautiful, it was actually a new noon, sitting in the middle of all this beauty, I seriously felt that we were sitting in a painting, maybe in a dream, I wanted to walk and get close to the moon and the beach so I excused myself and went to the beach, and when I got there I stood still and said to myself this is my best friend, while standing by the beach I looked up at the skies again and saw the moon was still there and in the middle of this huge ocean, I was like wow, this is a dream but it is also real cause I am standing here listening to the sound of the waves and feeling the water touching my feet ( my sandals were ruined but I didn’t care) I just wanted to stay there, I don’t know how long I stayed standing there, all of the sudden my sister came and told me that my order was in, this is the first time that I wasn’t very happy cause the food was finally here, I actually don’t even remember what was the taste of the food, I told my brother in law when he asked me how did I enjoy my dish, I told him to be honest I did not care about the food I am actually enjoying the scenes that is surounding us, we were sitting in the middle of the ocean seriously it was so beautiful and it was like a dreamy land, one of my friends said that being in this restaurant feels like being in heaven and I totally agree with him, I did not feel that I was in Africa at all yesterday or even in earth....
I wish I had my camera with me, it is so unfortunate that I forgot it, that is because we decided to go out for dinner suddenly. Since this weekend is my last weekend here in Senegal, I asked my brother in law to bring me one more time to this amazing place, so that I can keep it inside of me and share it with my friends by taking pictures, I told him we don’t have to eat anything, we just come again for a cup of coffee but then he smiled and said “ well Imane !!, it is going to be a very expensive cup of coffee but for sure I will bring you here again not just for coffee but also for dessert” I smiled at him and told him that I cannot wait to come back again for the last time before going back home...

Thousand and one nights..

I always tell people that I am a night person, it is now 1:45 am here in Senegal and as usual I cannot sleep and when I cannot sleep my mind starts to think, for instance few minutes ago while watching TV and before I decided to come online and write this post an episode from an Arabic series taken from a very famous and ancient story book called Thousand and one nights or (Arabian Nights), I was trying to watch the episode but I couldn’t concentrate that is because my mind was occupied with all the things that I have done and the places that I have visited and going to visit. As I mentioned before I went to Malaysia, Dubai, Lebanon and Senegal, all these places made me feel like I'm living in the time of the thousand and one nights and that’s because I have been to places that I haven’t been to before, it felt like I was living a dream, it was beautiful, it was actually more than just beautiful, to be honest I have no idea how to describe my experience with such great places, I was amazed by the people and how simple they are, and mostly by the sceneries that I have seen, it was really, really, really beautiful, and the food was just divine especially in Dubai, I have been to so many restaurants all over the world, I think that in Dubai is the best food ever, I had sushi there it was soooo yummy beyond belief. A friend of mine says that I am like sindibad because I keep flying from place to place but that is ok because I am like a bird but only the kind of bird that likes the change and enjoy it no matter what.
Now here I am in Senegal it is almost the last part of my trip, in 2 weeks I will leave this country to go back to Lebanon and London and then after that back home, time flies so fast we cannot control it but we can at least enjoy the present and download things into our heads and make great memories so that when we go back home we will share our experience with the people that we love, this is what I am planning to do, I will tell everyone that I know about my adventures, I did share some of my adventures with my friends already in Facebook by posting pictures, but there are things that you cannot just post, cause you can only share it with the people that are close to your heart, I was happy and I want the people that I love to be happy with me and that is by sharing my news/adventures with them…

Sunday...

I did mention before that Sunday is my favorite day of the week, I don’t know why, maybe because it has been always my lazy day, anyways, yesterday was Sunday, and because of that my sister and I decided to go to the beach for the day, we went to a place that is so beautiful, every time I come to this place I feel that I belong there, you see, 3 years ago when I was battling for my freedom I came here to clear my mind, it was a wise decision, knowing me and how much I love the ocean my brother in law and my sister took me to the Le Meridien President (Merridien resort on the beach), I stayed for a week in that resort , what I loved about the resort is that there is an area by the ocean that is so private and so beautiful, I use to walk there every morning at sunrise and talk to the ocean, I actually once wrote a letter and threw it away, I remember that day as if it was yesterday, I was very upset with my x and my heart was beating so fast I couldn't breath, I was alone, I wanted to be alone, so I decided to write a note and throw it away, maybe some how my mom will read it, I have no idea what I wrote, all I can remember is that it was something that my heart was saying and I was just writing without realizing what was it that I was writing, this is why I sometimes believe that our hearts are the leaders of our minds, I could be wrong but sometimes this is how we deal with whatever we face, we use our hearts or at least I do, I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I just can’t….
Anyways, back to the present, so yesterday we went to the same resort only to spend the day over there, they have a really nice swimming pool for the kids and adults, I of course swam for 2 hours and after that I walked to my favorite spot and sat there for almost an hour, just listening to the sound of the beach and enjoying the most beautiful view that you could ever see, I think that I could do this all my life just sitting by the beach and see how far it is and imagine how deep it could be, it was windy yesterday but I did not mind it at all….while I was sitting there a good looking guy came and we talked for few minutes , guess what!!! he was Canadian, from Toronto he is here for business, we talked for a while and we found out that we have lots in common which is interesting and weird at the same time, anyways, I had to say bye to him cause it was time for me to leave, before I left he gave me his phone number and asked me to call him when I get back home, I don’t know if I will, I am going to have to wait and decide later.

Every time I leave this place I feel that something that is inside of me is kept there in the ocean, sometimes I feel that when I die it is going to be here, because it is where I belong….

Amour...

I am far away from home now; it’s been quite an experience travelling and seeing parts of the world that I haven't seen before. Now we are in June, that means that we are half way through the year, amazing how time flies… how fast things are going scares the hell out of me, but then I say to myself, this is life and life goes on no matter what….. it is now 9:00 am in the morning here in Africa,  Senegal to be specific and with my cafe au lait in my hand I thought back to last night, while I was having dinner at this beautiful French restaurant with my friends we talked about love and here is what I came to realize about this beautiful emotion, there are mysteries about love, things that neither of us may ever understand because love is an emotion without limit and understanding, we know we love each other but we could never explain completely as why we love each other, love is not a clock, you simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even if you could you probably could never get it back together again…

P:S: I decided to name this post Amour (which is love in French) since I am in a place where every one speaks French even my sister and her kids, I have to really think hard before speaking to my niece and nephew and after I come up with a sentence they laugh at me, I think that I am the joke of the year here in this country, but I don't mind it at all , I like it when I make someone smile especially if this someone is my niece or nephew....

Langkawi Island...

Sitting in my hotel room here at the most beautiful resort ever Four Seasons Langkawi, actually! today is my last night here before starting a new adventure. I came here a week ago and it feels like I came one minute ago, time just flew, I don’t know how!! When I came here I wanted to think about so many things in my life and to make up my mind in things that has to be done, to be honest I did not think about anything, I felt that the only thing that I wanted to do is enjoy my moment cause I know it will never come again, the beauty of this island is that it makes you feel so complete and very satisfied with whatever you have.

For the whole week I walked by the beach at sunset and took so many pictures of the beach, I could never get sick of it, I feel like I could do this all my life, but I know that reality has to kick in and that I have to go back home, but at least for now I want to enjoy myself to the fullest…
Tomorrow I will be going to another part of this beautiful country, I am actually a little sad that I am leaving this beautiful island but also anxious to begin my second part of my trip before going to my favorite place which is Africa… this island got me attached and I feel that I will for sure come back, I don’t know when, but I know that I will for sure maybe next year!!!.

Another change, but good change..

Change, it is becoming part of my life, amazing, amazing, amazing there is always something that has to change, for instance I was suppose to go to Europe for my trip and end up in Africa but instead now I am going to Malaysia,Dubai West Africa, London, Paris, Denmark and finally to Cyprus. I am not complaining at all but for some reason things are always changing for me especially this year, at the beginning of this year I was working and now I am touring the world, last year when I came back to Ottawa and decided to work, I wanted to stay still for a while cause I have been travelling almost all my life, but I guess I wasn’t so lucky, and for some reason I feel that god wants me to take this trip, I don’t know what is going to happen, all I know is that I am so excited and can’t wait to go see another part of the world that I haven’t seen before, we rented a villa in Langkawi islands it is suppose to be beautiful and very luxurious and most importantly is that we will have our own pool and private beach, my heart is beating so fast, I feel that I have a lot to say but no matter what I say it could not explain how excited I am about this trip.

Next month, and in June first to be specific I will be celebrating my 30th birthday and that would happen in Dubai with my family, it is my first birthday in years that I will celebrate it with almost all my family the only missing person is my mom, I wish that she was still alive so that she will also be part of this beautiful reunion and my big 30 BD, but I know that her spirit will be there to celebrate with us.

I will be back to Ottawa before I know it and then I will start something new, I don’t know what is it but I feel that I have to do something, I am going to think about it when I get there, but for now all I want to do is two important things first forget and have as much fun as I can, maybe this will help me feel fresh and ready for whatever is waiting for me back home.

P.S: This new adventure is going to start this weekend and on Saturday night is my first flight to heaven... can't wait, let the fun begin...

Down town Beirut

It’s 2:00 am here in Lebanon, I cannot sleep and that is of course cause I am jetlagged just arrived yesterday, the weather is beautiful here, right now I am sitting in my living room in my apartment here in Lebanon, the view that is in front me ( I know it’s dark and I can hardly see it but in the morning when I wake up it’s the first thing that I see while enjoying the best cup of coffee that anyone can have) so the view is, from the right I can see the beach and the airport and at the left side I can see the beauty of the mountains all over the place, I can see how big and small they could be, it’s amazing and beautiful, it looks like a painting only this one is real, ooo how much I love the beauty of nature, every time I come here and look at this view I am just amazed and I always say to myself “ how could I leave all this beauty” but I guess that is because it’s typical me, I like the change, and I cannot live anywhere other than Ottawa, I already miss it, but I am going to have to put it aside for now and try and enjoy every second of this beauty and this beloved country.

On Sunday I will be driving up the mountain with my sister and her kids and some of my friends, my sister has a beautiful house in the mountain, we will be spending a day or two over there and then after that I will dedicate my time to my favorite thing in this whole entire world which is the beach, I will post some pictures of the beach soon, so that everyone can see the beauty of the beach here in Lebanon. I will also practice one of my favorite exercise which is swimming and for sure walking by the beach.

This afternoon I was having lunch with some friends and of course my sister in the heart of down town Beirut, I must say the food was great, the music was loud and the views were amazing, what made our afternoon great was the weather, we were sitting outside, the breeze was gentle, it wasn’t cold and it wasn’t hot, just perfect, and because of this I was so happy and relaxed. After lunch we decided to take a walk, as we were walking down town we looked at the people and saw how happy they are, here no one cares about anything, the only thing that they care about is how to enjoy themselves, and I love that about Lebanon, cause it tend to make me forget everything and the only thing that is in my mind right now, is how to enjoy this blessing of me being here with the people that I love.

My trip...

Tomorrow is my first day of my trip, I will be gone for almost 2 months, will be going to different countries and seeing lots of new things, I am anxious but scared at the same time, I don’t know why, maybe because I am doing it alone, it was my decision to go on this trip, I need to clear my mind, so many things happened and is happening in my life right now, and I need to sort things out.

What is amazing about this trip is that it is the first for me in a year and 2 months, I am usually always on the go, I think that in some way I am blessed to have had the opportunity to explore the rest of this world, and see the different creations of god, amazing every time I go somewhere I see something that is so unique and special that makes me want to come back to that specific place. I had the chance to see so many things in my life, I think that travelling and seeing the world from different angles made me who I am today, when I was younger I always wanted to feel stable and be part of a place, but looking back at my life I came to realize that I was destined to be moving and flying all over the place, sometimes I feel that I am like a bird only with broken wings, I fly but not as fast as the others, I always fall down but with my only one wing I tend to fly back and see what I need to see and experience everything that life has to offer. I will never have a home, I will always have houses, actually, just now while writing this post I realized that I have lots of homes in so many countries that I can always go to, and now during this trip of mine, I am not staying in hotels I am staying with friends in their homes which are my homes too, see having a home doesn’t mean it could be in one specific place, home is everywhere or at least for me.

I did buy a note book and a cute pen, I will be doing lots of writing so that when I come back from my trip I will write everything that I have seen and experience maybe this will help me keep living my dream which is happiness.

London will be the beginning of my trip and Africa will be my last destination before coming back to Ottawa, just thinking about the fun that I will be having makes my heart beats so fast and hard just like when you are in love and you see your loved one after a long separation.

A chance to live ...

Here is another thought that came crossing my mind just now while sitting in my bedroom listening to my favorite radio station and so tired because today was such a busy day, the best part of the day was when I went to visit a friend of mine from my previous job at work and there I met all the other people that I use to work with or knew, it was nice, I think that I was lucky that I had the chance to meet such nice people and eventually became friends with.

Anyways, here is what my tired mind came up with, fall in love or fall in hate, get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class, make babies or make art, speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is a divine chaos, embrace it, forgive yourself, breath and enjoy the ride because whatever it is it’s worth it, we live once and we all have the chance of life so why not live it to the fullest and let it be, we always have to remember though that god is watching us and no matter what this life brings us he will be the one to protect us and give us the courage to move forward. Life is what you make out of it, so live it, for what you want it to be, because we all have the chance to control and change whatever it is we need to change and this done by having the chance of every sunset of every day, and as I always say every day is new beginning and a new chance so let’s grab every chance we have with our own hands so that we can live our lives the way we want it… remember, no matter how difficult today is, it can never rain forever, and after every storm comes a beautiful shiny day, so enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back and realize, they were the big things...

Change

This afternoon while I was waiting for my doctor to show up, something just clicked into my head, this rarely happens to me but maybe because of all the changes that is going on in my life right now, my inner self kinda talked to me and here is what I came up with, change! Think about it, change is everywhere, minute by minute, in all walks of life, change is constant, inevitable. The fruit of change is opportunity, and its seed will nurture you, and from change spring growth, progress and fulfillment. When you mange change, you embrace it, find the good in it, hear its promise, learn from it and the world becomes an exciting place in your desire to know what comes next. So no matter what changes are happening in our live we have to always look positively at what ever is changing in our lives, because change is part of our existence, no change, no fun, no life.

boring day turned up to be good after all :-)

Today was boring but also good I should say, didn't know what I was suppose to do which is a first for me since I always seem to have plans but for some reason I did not have any today well! I was suppose to go to Montreal with a friend of mine but the trip was cancelled, so I called another friend of mine and told her that I will be coming over to her place and will bring coffee with me, she of course agreed since we both love Starbucks coffee. Here is the fun part, as I was waiting for my turn in Starbucks drive thru, there was this lovely looking serving guy standing, I wanted to talk to him so I said, " the weather is so beautiful today, y don't you give me some sort of a discount" I was just kidding with him really, he gave me this look and said "ok" I didn't think that he was serious so I gave him my debt card but then he said, "nope it's on us" I was shocked and said to him what I usually say when I’m shocked " REALLY" and he said "yes really" of coursed I thanked him, that little thing just made my day, not only because of the free coffee, I felt that this could be a start of a good luck charm for me, since my year so far is so bad from the start..

Now here I am sitting at my friend's backyard and enjoying my free cup of coffee and thinking, I just wish that good things will always happen all the time cause trust me it's healthy and it keeps us moving forward and wanting more from this unsecure life that we are all living. I am not just saying that because of the free coffee, I am saying that because sometimes people do things to us without even realizing that what ever they did made some sort of a difference and for me in this case it gave me some boost of energy that I though that I was loosing, maybe this is a sign from god that it is going to finally to be ok, I know that it's not going to happen any time soon but maybe sooner than I expect.

My trip is coming up soon and the closer it gets the more excited I become, I cannot wait to travel and see the world and be in the places that I always long too be in, one of the places that I will visit is South Africa, I love Africa, I lived almost half of my life in Africa it’s beautiful and over there nature is just amazing and most importantly the beach, that is what always tend to take me back to south Africa. Every time I go and see the ocean and how beautiful and deep and how endless it is, it makes me but wonder what would the ending of an ocean be it’s deep and wondrous, it always keeps me speechless and standing there by the beach while the wind blows my hair I travel to a world that is only known by me and every one that enjoys the beauty and the secrets of the ocean.

What I’m trying to say is that never give up, there are always signs from god all over the place, all we have to do is open our eyes and try to find them because once we do, it happens, trust me it does. I will be missing my friends here in Ottawa since I don't know how long I will be gone, but I will always be here in my heart and in my spirit because Ottawa is my home and my friends are my family that I always come back too.


I know that what I am going to say now is so irrelevant to what I just said about the beach and all the good stuff, I love chocolate with cherries, I think that it is so yummy and it has this naughty taste that makes you want to eat more and more of it, few days ago I went to Bulk Barn and I got this delicious chocolate cheery balls and ooo god there’re so yummy, I am actually having some while writing this post :-) yum yum yum...

Walking in the rain..

Today was just great, I did something that I haven’t done in such a long time, I walked in the rain for almost 3 hours and ooo boy it felt so good and so refreshing. Walking in the rain is something that every one should do and I recommend it to all my friends, because I think it cleanses all of your worries, it also gives you hope and peace and relaxation beyond your belief, I think it is the best way to cure depression.

After my long amazing walk, I came back home, I had a big smile in my face, my dad was like “are you ok Imane” I said to him that I am just happy and satisfied with whatever, I actually invited my dad to dinner which I rarely do because every time we go out for dinner it ends up us arguing and not talking to each other, of course he paid since I am jobless now, all I did was invited him to dinner that he had to pay for, we went and had sushi, that is the only thing that my dad I have in common we both love sushi, it was a lovely evening and for some reason my dad and I did not argue and he actually did not ask me the usual question that he usually asks which is “ IMANE, WHEN ARE YOU PLANNING TO SETTLE DOWN AND FIND SOMEONE, I WANT TO SEE YOUR KIDS BEFORE I DIE”. We actually talked about so many other things and I enjoyed it really, I like it when my dad is relaxed and not intruding in my life, ooo by the way I will be moving to my new condo next month, I cannot wait, I know it is not going to be easy on my dad, but I think that this is the best thing for both of us, besides my brother just bought a house close to my dad’s house, I think that he should be ok.

I am feeling content now and I don’t want anything to ruin that, I think that my walking this afternoon was the reason of this beautiful feeling, this is why I love the spring and the summer it gives me the chance to be outside and with nature, this is where I belong, I relate my love of nature to Nigeria because it was always great and the views were amazing, I cannot wait to go to South Africa, I know that it is going to be great and loads of fun and I will be doing lots of swimming and mostly enjoying my walks by the ocean every morning at sun rise and every evening at sun set.

Cancer..

I know that this is such a bad topic to be talking about, but it is so unfortunate that it became almost part of this century, cancer, I hate this disease, my mom was killed by it. Today while I was walking I ran into a friend of mine and she told me that her mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3 and that her chances are not so good, I think she said that she has 25% chance of surviving, I was shocked and sad for my friend and her mom cause I know exactly how she feels and how her mom must be feeling, and how difficult it is going to be for the both of them. I promised that I will be there for her, this is not just a promise I will do my best to help out, I know that when someone is going through this ugly disease all they need is a supportive hand and a shoulder to rely on, since this friend is very close to me and her mom is dear to my heart I felt so sad and upset. After my friend left I kept walking and thinking, why do we have such a curse that we have to always face, I think that everyone is scared of this disease, it is not just a sickness, it is an ugly thing that runs through our bodies secretly until it is strong enough to kill us and only then we find out that it is there and it is killing us softly without even feeling it. What is worse than cancer is it’s treatment, I will never forget the look in my mom’s eyes after each treatment, she use to be in pain and sad and scared and what use to kill me from the inside is that I could not do anything for her, I use to always wish if I could wipe away her pain, if I could take it all so that she can live and be happy again, if only I could’ve given her my life I would’ve done it gladly cause she deserved to live and be happy but I guess it was god’s will and that too I cannot do anything about.

Anyways, 2 hours later I decided to go back home, walking back home I kept thinking of my friend and how is she going to handle all this by herself, you see, her dad left them when she was only one, she has no sisters or brothers, her mom is her only family. I kept thinking that this is not fair, I mean why does this has to happen to her and her mom?? I will do my best to be there for them both and I do pray from the bottom of my heart that her mom will be cured and happy again. I guess that cancer is something that we have to fight in order to live. I will do my best to give all the positive energy that I have to my friend’s mom so that she can fight it and win her battle against cancer.

Real Love...

I had such a lovely evening tonight, my friend and I had dinner together, we of course went down town and as usual I drove and made lots of driving errors that I had to tell my friend that she was lucky that she is still alive, for some reason every time there is some one with me in the car I tend to do some stupid driving mistakes, I don’t know why!! Anyways, while we were having dinner tonight we spoke about so many things, one of the things that we talked about was love of course, what would 2 beautiful ladies like us be talking about if not love…. The point that we both agreed on is that when meeting that special some one and when both your mind and heart agrees with you, then and only then you give your soul and body to that person, I think that when you give the person that you love the most important thing which is you it has to be at the right time, with the right person so that you can always keep it inside of you and make it so special and beautiful and pure and always treasure it, and I think that it has to always be this way pure and unforgettable especially when experiencing it, I hate the word sex, I always like to call it love making, cause I think that when two people are in love,it is not about sex, it is about two becoming one in a world that only belongs to them and that is filled with love and passion and happiness, and in a world that could take you to the moon and back..

Nigeria..

It is 11:15 pm now, sitting in my room, and listening to the radio, made me look back to almost 19 years ago (wow I am getting old), I was still very young and very anxious, I remembered when I use to with my family of course live in Nigeria (Kano), it was awesome living there, I had the best child hood just because I use to live there, I was only 2 years old when my parents moved us to Nigeria. It was in Nigeria that I learned how to bike and how to swim, and there I learned to love to walk in the woods. I remember our home was in the middle of a huge garden that is filled with flowers and trees, we use to have mango trees and banana trees and so many other trees that I have no idea what are they, all I know is that it was something that is so beautiful and so green, at the back of this huge garden we had a huge swimming pool, ooo how much I miss it. Every morning my twin sister and I use to go for a walk and then after that we use to go for a long swim how fun it use to be. It is in Nigeria that I have learned that people could be different but deep inside we are all the same, and that we all believe in one god, yea we all have different believes but the end result is the same, if only we can realize it, then I think there will be no wars and every one would live peacefully and happily. Anyways, Nigeria is one of the places that I would love to visit again some day, I know it is not safe now, but I hope that soon it will be so that I can go back to my old home and check out my child hood school and if I am lucky go see our old house, I always wonder who could be living in our house, I will never forget the days when I use to live in Nigeria with my family, it will always have a special place in my heart, to me Nigeria is one of the best places that any one could live in.

A song for mama!!

I was looking at my friend's blog and I came across this song for mama, when i heard it I realized how much I miss her....

Mom, my heart beats because of you, I am living because once upon a time you gave me life, you gave me your life and for that I will forever be grateful, you may have left this world but you will never leave my heart, where ever I go and whatever I do, I know that you are there and up above watching over me.

For you mama....

Unknown friend and a Trip to Europe and South Africa...

Last night I was reading something about someone, while reading I realized how special that person is, I have known him for a while now but when I was reading something that he wrote I found out that he is completely different from what I thought he is, and that we actually have lots in common, he is a friend of mine but we never did really become close because of so many things, but I think that the few times that we use to spend together we use to enjoy each other’s company, reading his blog made me realize how much I miss him and how much I want to know him more. What I’m trying to say is that never judge someone until you know that person very well, and never ever listen to what people might tell you about anyone, I heard so many things about this friend and that is why maybe I was never very close to him or even try and know him better, even though a mutual friend once told me that he is nice and very sensitive and shy but unfortunately I did not listen, it is to late now cause I think that he is far away, I wish I could tell him that he is such a nice person and the way he writes is amazing and it makes you want to read more and know more about him and his small family. I will do my best to get in touch with him and try and fix what I have done. I stayed up until 4:30 am reading his blog, I wanted to write a comment but I thought to myself I will tell him what I think in person I hope that I will be able to see him soon. I feel bad for not knowing him better when I had the chance. Ooo well what can I do, nothing I guess, expect when I get the chance I will make it up for him for sure.

Sunday is my favorite day of the week, looking outside the window and seeing the sun makes me miss the spring and all the greens, so I decided to go out for a walk I know it is going to be cold but I don’t care, in my mind and my heart I know that the spring is coming soon, and that will all change soon too. By the way I finally decided to do my tour but instead of going to Paris and London cause I have been there few times before, I want to go some where new so I decided to go to Greece, Spain, Italy, and of course South Africa and finally to Lebanon, I think that this tour will take about 2 months, so I spoke to my travel agent and booked my flight for the 28th of April and will return at the end of June, I will be celebrating my birthday in Europe, a very close friend of mine lives in Greece, she wants me to be there for my birthday, she thinks that when I go to Greece I will find the love of my life, and because I am in love with this country and I have met so many Greek people I thought to myself hell why not??? but I will have to wait and see if what she says is true though.

A Painting..

Even though I slept late last night I woke up early today, I wanted to sleep more but I couldn’t so I got up and had my coffee and then went to my accountant to get my taxes done, well, this is the first time for me to visit him at his home, and there I met his wife, and for some reason she liked me to much that it made me feel so uncomfortable, she kept talking to me which I did not mind but what scared me is that she kept looking at me and telling me that I am so beautiful and that she wants me to meet her son, I had to lie to her and told her that I am seeing someone right now, she said that if I ever want to meet someone new to let her know, isn’t that funny!!! Anyways after that we actually talked about other things, I also liked her too cause she is a good talker and funny too, she actually invited me to have lunch tomorrow with her and her husband I had to say no, it didn’t feel right, besides I do have other obligations for tomorrow.

I bought a painting today it is so beautiful, it is the picture of a little girl that is looking somewhere beyond her sight and smiling but at the same time there are tear drops coming down her checks, for some reason when I looked at this painting I saw myself in it, even though it is way beyond my budget I decided to buy it, I want it to be the first thing that I will hang in my new condo. The painting reminded me of me when I was younger, I use to always look forward for the future but at the same time I use to always be scared of it, and that made me cry. I remember when I was just 8 years old, I use to have this dream about me going to Spain, and getting lost in the middle of no where and some how someone comes and takes me to a place that is so beautiful and peaceful but then that person leaves me alone and after that I use to always wake up and cry, I don’t know why, even though the dream wasn’t scary at all I think that this dream is a message that I am suppose to understand but up till this day I have no I idea what is that dream suppose to mean, I still see it from time to time and for some reason when I saw this painting today it reminded of the dream maybe this is why I bought it even though it was pricy. Anyways I cannot wait to hang it in my new condo, I think that it will give my little apartment the insides of me, so that when people comes and visit me they will know me better I guess!!, I am going to have to wait and see what people will think.

Nothing really...

Today was a long day for me, lots of driving, from Kanata, back home and then to downtown and Barhaven, I usually don’t mind driving at all, but for some reason I was very tired today, I actually just came home, guess what happened??? my dad came back from his trip 2 months early I was shocked, you know when you come home and don’t expect to see anyone, you suddenly find some one standing in front of you and smiling, well, that to me was scary. Even though my dad and I are not really in great terms and we always have issues, I was happy to see him and for some reason I felt save, maybe because I was feeling a little lonely lately, especially last month I needed him more than anything else, you see when I use to face some problems I use to go to mom, she use to always be there for me, but since she is gone, and last month wasn’t great for me and I was alone, I needed my dad, I needed someone to tell me that everything is going to be fine, I needed to hug him so tight and feel secure and save, I did survive though and I was able to move on and enjoy whatever I have to keep me happy and made so many new decisions that I will for sure talk about in a later posts.

I know that what I am saying makes no sense but for some reason I feel like talking even though I can barely open my eyes, I think that my eyes and my body are begging me to go to sleep but I am resisting it I have no idea why. I have a smile in my face for some reason. I'm listening to this very nice song, every time I listen to it, it touches me so much that I keep listening to it over and over again it is The Rose - by Bette Midler, The best part of the song is the last part where she says “just remember far beneath the bitter snow lies the seed that with the sun’s love in the spring becomes the Rose” isn’t that amazing and true???? I love music it always seems to make me feel like I am free and flying and helps me forget and puts a satisfied smile in my face… I can’t resist anymore I need to go to be bed now, I have another long day ahead of me but it should be fun for sure.

My Weekend!!

Last weekend was one of the best weekend that I have had in such a long time, I think it started on Friday when I went with a friend of mine to Carleton university to check something up for her, this friend of mine is very special to me, and for some reason every time we do something together, weird things happens to us it is usually adventurous and fun, I just love spending time with her I am seriously blessed to have her in my life, she came at the right time ( Joudi if you are reading this, just want to tell you that you are the best indeed).

Saturday was a different story we had a blast, we went dancing, we danced like crazy and screamed just like babies it was great and we enjoyed it, after releasing all of our stress out by screaming and dancing we went for a very late dinner, there we were so tired but so happy we talked endlessly none stop about anything and everything. It’s been a while since I last had a good time, it reminded me of the college days, where I use to with my college friends don’t care about anything and just have fun and enjoy life, sometimes I feel that growing up is suck (excuse my langue) , we tend to worry a lot when we grow up, even though when we are younger we can’t wait to be older and when we are older we want to go back to becoming sixteen and seventeen again, I think us humans are never satisfied with what we have. Anyways I don’t want to ruin this I just want to say, that bad things do happen and it happens all the time but the best way to deal with it, is to be happy and enjoy your time cause I am a firm believer that there is nothing bad in life, we make things bad, by worrying and thinking negatively about what ever we face, but the truth is bad things happen so that we can move on with our lives and explore new things in life, by either meeting new people or getting a new job or even by travelling or going back to school to help us advance our knowledge, so if you come to really think about it, it is not bad at all, it is actually preparing us for the unknown that we are all scared of, I think the unknown is something that is known, if only we know how to deal with it, and we have to always have faith in us and of course in tomorrow and in god.

After dinner we walked in the market, I just love Ottawa at night it is beautiful and full of life, it was cold but I wasn’t feeling cold, I was enjoying the company and everything else, I only wish that everyone can feel what I feel and see what I see, I know that if this happens so many things will change because I like to see everyone happy, I think that when you are happy and satisfied you can move on and think positively, this will help you go forward in life and make all your dreams come true. So be happy and always have faith in the future, cause as I always say every day is a new beginning and new a challenge and new opportunities.

Wandering around...

This morning I woke up very early, I also couldn’t sleep last night and I have no idea why???, anyways, while having my cup of coffee and the best chocolate chip cookie I was trying to decide what do today before class and before my presentation. I wanted to do something before the day progress and the next thing I know it is time to go to class and start the presentation. My group members want me to present they think that I have the skills and I can talk in front of people, I did not want to disappoint them so I said yes! But now I kind a regret it, I will be talking about capacity management for about an hour the though of it makes me a little nervous, but I know that I can do it and I hope that we will get a good mark since it is a huge project and it is 30% toward our final mark. I don’t know what is wrong with me and presentations I always seem to be put in a situation where I have to present, I don’t mind doing it though, I think it is the best way of learning.

I looked outside and I saw that the day is still young; I decided to go to the market or down town for a walk and get my second cup of coffee from Starbucks, so up I went.

While I was walking in the market few hours ago, I was thinking and my eyes were wandering I said to myself what a perfect way to start the day, looking at people getting ready to go to work and start their day and students going to the university to look after their future, made me think and realize how amazing life is, when we are younger we worry about the future and our marks and wanting to get a good job and buy a new car, and when we get older and become more experienced and have the job that we always wanted, we worry about so many other things, like for instance these days we are all worried about the economy and how it is going to affect us. I thought to myself we always seem to have something to worry about, I can’t recall anytime that I did not have to worry about anything, I think that this is part of life, to me life is a long soap opera that never ends. Anyways, I walked from Rideau center to the market to Ottawa University and went into the neighbor hood of that area I think that I got lost, since I have never seen it before, people are actually living there, there are some old homes and apartment buildings and some are for rent, looking at it made me think, since I am planning to buy a condo soon, I said to myself, why don’t I buy a condo in downtown, where it is close to everything and I love it, I think that I like the idea, I just need to talk to my cousin who is a real estate agent and see what he thinks. Anyways, I kept walking and thinking for about 2 hours, I then realized that I was tired and I need to go back, I have no idea how I came back to the Rideau center and from there I went to chapters and got myself a book and a cup of coffee, now here I am sitting at Starbucks waiting for my group members to show up so that we can discuss the remaining of the project before presenting it tonight at 7:00 pm, ooo well! I have to go now, there they are all 4 of them :-), we are not just group members we are also good friends.

At Seventeen

Just to night while I was driving back home, I was listening to the radio there was this song called at seventeen by Janis Ian, the song touched me in a way, I have never heard it before which is weird since it is a fairly old song, anyways the lyrics of the song is about an ordinary little girl that was rejected by boys when she was younger just because she wasn’t beautiful, it is unfortunate that this is true and it happens all the time, I remember when I was in high school, there was this little girl that wasn’t liked by anyone, just because she looked different, but I didn’t care, I went to her and asked if she wanted to join me for lunch sometimes, she accepted my invitation and I was happy that that she did, we became very good friends, she actually helped me a lot in so many things in my life, she is one of the most beautiful people that I have ever met. To me beauty is not physical it is what is inside of you, that will reflect the outside of you. I hope that people will stop judging people just by their physical appearance and learn that the real beauty is the personality of the person. I met so many people through out my life, from different cultures and different countries, the more I see people the more I love them and love to know more about their lives and their believes because once you know the inside of them, the outside wouldn’t really matter any more, what ever you see inside it will reflect on the outside. We unfortunately all are affected by prejudice thinking that just cause this person looks a certain way and believe in certain things that means that this person is not worth knowing, we tend to judge people before we know them, and that is the most unpleasant thing to do.

At seventeen, we are suppose to be happy and ready and anxious for the future, not sad and rejected and scared just because we look a certain way, it is not our fault that we are not pretty, we have to always remember that because beauty is something that lies beneath and it comes slowly to reach our hearts so that it will reflect our looks. A lot of people say that I am beautiful, this makes feel good, but I like it more when they say to me that I am nice and friendly, I don’t want anyone to see my face I want people to see what is beyond that because that is where my real beauty is.


Here is the song...

valentine’s day and a trip to San Francisco

Last night my single friends and I decided to celebrate valentine’s day our way, since all the others are celebrating it with their significant others, even my brother, he actually asked me to help him prepare a meal for his unknown girl friend, I am not good at cooking I actually don't cook at all but I tried to help him as much as I can and it turned up to be a decent meal for them. So anyways, my friends and I decided that love is not only for couples it is also for singles and that we have to also celebrate it because it is not just about love, love, it is also about the love of friendship, and the love of god and so many other lovely things. I only wish that this love day could be in the spring, since it is the best time of the year and everyone is happy now that the trees are blooming and the birds are singing, and everyone is getting ready for the summer and the excitement, I think that if valentine’s day was the first day of spring it would’ve been ideal for everyone, cause it will not only be the celebration of the spring it is also going to be the celebration of love, how amazing it is to combine both, if only!!.

Back to yesterday, it was a lovely night, there is something traditional that we do in Lebanon while having an amazing night and that is smoking the Argeele (they call it here hubbly bubbly), it is something that I do from time to time only with my very close friends and not very often, we do it cause it gives the evening a booster and makes it more fun. Of course we spoke about love and today or I should say yesterday, we made a mission for ourselves which is, that we have to find someone and soon, so that next year we will be celebrating love with that person, I think that it is not an easy assignment but I will do my best to succeed, you see, I like someone, and I think that, that someone also likes me, so here is what I am going to do, is try and talk to him and broke the ice, because I think that he is shy and scared to approach me even though I am a relaxed person and if only he knows how special he is to me, I don’t think that he will fear to do it at all, but I promised my friends that I will help him out and see how it is going to turn up to be, I just hope that it is not an illusion and that he shares my feelings.

Toward the end of the evening, we were so tired but I also felt happy for some reason, and guess what?? We decided to go to San Francisco in March, I have a week off from school and instead of staying here in Ottawa why not go to my favorite city SF, and enjoy the best sushi that you could ever have, I love sushi and the best place to have it is in SF. I also spent the best days in my life in SF, I think it is the most beautiful city in the world and I think that if some one did not go to SF they should, it is worth every second of your time and life, I can’t wait to go and drive in the high way going toward the half moon bay area, it is amazing and the scenery is like heaven. I went to SF last September with my friends we went to The Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay hotel, it is by the beach of the half moon bay area, we stayed there for a week and I use to every morning just walk by the beach and enjoy it, just looking at it made me feel like my life is complete, I could stay there for hours just walking and enjoying the sound of the beach, of course the food was also great. There is a pizza place in the heart of down town SF, it is an Italian pizza place I can’t really remember the name of the restaurant since my brother is the one who took us, they have the best Pizza that you could ever have, this is one of the things that I will go to as soon as I get there, (of course I need to ask my brother what is the name of the restaurant) . I am so excited about this trip; every time I go to SF I feel like I am born again, I think it is my pill of happiness.

Just a thought!!

since it is the day before valentine’s day, and love is in the air here is a thought that crossed my mind while packing to get ready to go to Toronto for the long weekend...

"The greatest thing in life is finding someone who knows all of your mistakes and weaknesses and still finds you completely amazing."

Have a happy love day.

P.S: by the way my trip to Toronto was cancelled, long story and I don't feel like talking about it, maybe some day I will..

I have a dream..

I know that I have been writing a lot lately, maybe because I have more time, now that I am not employed anymore, you see I always wanted to become a journalist, but for some reason I bailed on my dream which is wrong and I shouldn’t have done it , maybe I did what I did cause so many people did not recommend that dream for me, not doing what I wanted to do, it kept me feeling that I am missing something, that something inside of me is empty. I love writing, cause it is the best way for me to express myself, I do it through thinking deep inside of me and what ever comes into my mind I just type, maybe some day I will accomplish my dream, I don’t know how, and when, but I know that I want to do something about it, it could be by writing a book, that talks about everything and anything, I know this sounds ridiculous now but that’s because I still don’t know what to name the book, once I do, all will make perfect sense, I think even if this book wasn’t a success I will be happy just for having it done, until this second it is still a dream but I will make this dream happen, I don’t know when, but I hope soon.

I will be travelling soon, I will be gone for almost 2 months, I am not sure when, there are some things that I need to do before starting my long trip, I could not end up going, it all depends, but anyways, if I do travel, here is what I am going to do, I will buy a small note book and while exploring the world and meeting new people, I will jot down anything unique that I will see and experience maybe this will help me with my dream book, so that when I come back, I can look at it and try and create something out of it. Now I have a dream that was taken away from me, but I will do my best to make it come true, I promise.

Different quotes

I believe that reading something that might put a smile in my face, or makes me think positively is the best way to start a new day, cause every day is a new beginning and new chance to change our lives into something better and maybe try and make us happier, so enjoy and believe cause when you believe you achieve...I also believe that everything happens for a reason, people change so that they can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate things when they are right, and sometimes good things in life fall apart so better things can fall together.


Hello means:
H- Have you missed me?
e- Everything is alright
l- Like to be with you
l- Like to see you
o- Obviously I miss you
Just want to say hello to you.

Smile it’s free..

If you dream it, you can do it…

Dance like no one is watching

Don’t make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option

The best thing in life is unseen, that’s why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream…

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak, sometimes it just means that you are strong enough to let go….

Everyone has someone in their life that keeps them looking forward to another day…

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life, it goes on...

What’s better a lie that draws a smile, or the truth that draws a tear?

You will find as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have truly loved are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.

When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say why me, just say try me.

Don’t cry for someone who won’t cry for you.

We don not remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not a written book you pick up and read, it is journal waiting for you to fill it’s pages.

Expect nothing and appreciate everything.

Every day is a fashion show and the world is my runway…

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you…

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.


There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little brighter and just live a little better.

Go for long walks, indulge for hot baths, question your assumptions, be kind to yourself, live for the moment, loosen up, scream! curse the world, count your blessings, just let go, just be..

Happy moments, praise god, difficult moments, seek god, quite moments worship god, painful moments trust god, and every moment thank god...

Live for nothing or die for something

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have thousands of reasons to smile…

when it hurts to look back and you're scared to look ahead, you can always look beside you and your best friend will always be there.

Tears are words from the heart that can’t be spoken…

Never explain yourself, your friends don’t need it, and your enemies won’t believe it.

Everything happens for a reason…

Live with intention, walk to the edge, listen hard, practice wellness, play with abandon, Laugh, choose with no regrets, continue to learn, appreciate your friends, do what you love, live as if this is all there is.. "Marry Anne Redmacher".

Laughter in the face of reality is probably the finest sound there is, in face a good time to laugh is anytime you can.

Love is just a word, until you find someone to give it a definition.

Tears are words from the heart that can’t be spoken…

Where there is love there is life

What doesn’t kill me, will only make me stronger..

When everything goes wrong, remember that it could be worse

Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain…

The person is only beautiful, when their own beauty, is reflecting on to others…

Beauty gets the attention, personality gets the heart

The only people you need in your life are these that need you in theirs…

The only things in life that you regret are the risks that you don’t take…

What meant to be will always find its way…

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel…

Do what makes you happy, be with whom makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, love as long as you live…

Keep smiling it makes people wonder what you’re up too…

Count your life by smiles not tears, count your life by friends not years…

Memories are always respected because it will always make us know the real meaning of love…

I am not the only one who’s crying tears through the years…..

Take chances because you never know how great something could turn out to be…

Every story has an end, but in life every end is a new beginning….

Shoot for the moon even if you miss it, you will land among the stars….

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened…

Anyone can give up it’s the easiest thing in world to do, but to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength…

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own… you realize you control your destiny. Albert Ellis…

Be strong now because things will get better, it might be stormy now but it can’t rain forever…

True love only comes once in a life time, so take it as it goes and enjoy every bit of it while it is still burning…

Never live life unnoticed.

it's really hard to let go of someone you love...but there are times that you have to let go not because you want it that way, it's because it's more painful to hang on and wait for nothing.

Life’s challenges are designed to not break us, but to bend us toward god.

For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it…

Life is what happens to you, while working for your future…

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other every where.

Let go of what kills you, and hold on what keeps you breathing…

Love is just a four letter word that I never learned.

Everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die…

Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names…

True love is like ghosts, who everyone talks about but few have seen.

Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed

When I am right no one remembers, and when I am wrong no one forgets.

Always tell the truth, that way you don’t have to remember what you said.

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice…

Happiness is not a destination; it is a method of life... Burton Hills

It’s every girl’s dream to be kissed in the rain.

Love is a risk, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose, weather it’s right or wrong, misery or joy, love don’t have any space for mistakes, only lessons.

Don’t be scared of dying; be scared that you might die before you’ve actually lived.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is ok, hold back the tears and just walk away.

I believe the personality and the soul is what makes a person beautiful, it does not always have to be physical appearance.

I think that everyone hold on to memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that don’t change when everything and everyone else does.

Someday everything will make perfect sense, so for now, laugh at the confusion smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted. John Lennon.

Pay no mind for those who talks behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.

Being strong is important but knowing who you can count on is equally important.

Love can be magic, but magic can sometimes be an illusion

Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life.

Never give up on things that make you smile.
Never miss an oppurtunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.

Happiness

Sitting in my room listening to my favorite radio station and surfing the net and looking at quotes, one quote that I found and loved and shared with my friends, it is by Christian Dior it says “Happiness is the secret to all beauty, there is no beauty that is attractive without happiness” amazing how right this quote is , today while I was having lunch with my cousin, we were actually discussing and talking about happiness and what is the real meaning of happiness, some people say it is love others say it is having money and health. But I think happiness is you, it is what is inside of you, if you are happy and satisfied with what you have and who you are, then I think that you should be happy, cause other things could come and go, I always thought that happiness is not about how rich you are, I have met so many people that are not rich at all and if you see how they live you’ll think that these people are the saddest but actually I came to know and be closer to them, I have realized that they are very happy with what they have and satisfied with their lives they think that life isn’t about materials it is about the beauty that is within us and I totally agree, cause you could be the richest on earth, but deep inside you are the poorest, cause there is no self satisfaction.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel happy, nothing really special happened I just feel it, just like when you feel that some one likes you even though they never tell you, it is a gut feeling that you have that makes you happy, these days nothing really special is happening to me, but I feel happy and satisfied cause I know that I haven’t done anything wrong to anyone, I love all the people that I meet, and for some reason they always have some sort of an effect on me, I don’t know why, I like to learn from other people and listen to them, and try to make them happy or the least I can do is put a smile in their face. Happiness is always there, it is all over the place it’s a gift that is gifted to us, all we have to do is open the box of gift that is inside of us and start living and start being happy first with ourselves and then with others.